REALITY BYTES
by Mina Lightstar

"You did what?" Kurapika demands.

"I need new glasses," Leorio says suddenly, turning in his chair to take the frames off and examine them with more scrutiny than needed.

"You did what?" Kurapika repeats, grabbing Leorio's shoulder and spinning him back around.

"Eh," Leorio hesitates, "I, uh, said I accidentally interrupted the computer in the middle of an update, and it crashed."

"And we lost everything," the blond finishes, tone clipped.

"And we lost everything," Leorio affirms, though he looks none too happy at having done so. "Uh. Oops?"

Kurapika twitches. A hard drive crash: Everything gone or only partially recovered -- and without a new back-up. He kept frequent back-ups of the drive for such emergencies, but today, today the update had started as soon as he'd booted the system, so he decided to let it complete that task first. And now this: The budget, important files, Leorio's personal files, everything.... "I'm... going to go count to ten."

"Yeah," Leorio sighs. "Yeah, maybe you'd better."

It's not like it's really Leorio's fault -- but it's easier to blame him, so Kurapika does that (privately.)

***

"You know," Killua says, "this is something I never could understand." He's contemplating the huge, useless box that used to be their computer. "How come people have gone from carving information into virtually indestructible rocks to stuffing it all into a chip that a fridge magnet can wipe out?"

"Shut up, Killua," Leorio replies, because Kurapika is sitting in the balcony-garden, still touchy about the data loss and could lash out unexpectedly at any time.

"Are you going to buy a new one?" Gon asks, tapping the dead box with a finger.

"No choice," Leorio sighs. "I suppose we were overdue for a new one, anyway."

"It's not like you totally lost everything," Killua consoles. "You did have other back-ups, fairly up-to-date. You don't have to start from scratch."

"No," Leorio mutters, "but a new fancy computer gives Kurapika the excuse to redecorate the office."

***

Leorio spends the entire evening pleading, plying, consoling, and petting. Finally, he flops onto the couch, half-sprawled over Kurapika, who is lying face-down with his face buried in the pillows.

"Look, I'm not really this kind of doctor," he points out. "If you're that upset about losing the spreadsheet with the budget on it, I could ask someone to give me the name of a good psychologist...."

"Don't be stupid," Kurapika grumbles. He lifts his head to glare at Leorio. "I just have a headache."

Leorio huffs and tries snuggling, hoping Kurapika is in the mood. (He is.) "Fine, then why don't we brainstorm about our new computer?"

"Fine. It has to have a good program for managing finances."

Leorio nods. "And a DVD-player, so we can watch movies."

"We have a DVD-player, with quite possibly the largest television in the whole building, specifically because you wanted to watch movies like you were in a theatre."

"I still want one."

"Ugh, fine. What else?"

"I... don't know. What do we use our computer for, anyway? Besides e-mail and the like?"

Kurapika has his eyes closed now, but makes a face at the question. "Let's just think about what the new office is going to look like."

"I knew you were going to redo it." Leorio isn't sure he's dreading the process or will delight in it. "What is it with you and interior design lately?"

***

What would you rather have?" Gon asks. "A big computer, or a small one?"

"You mean a desktop or a laptop, or do you really mean just a big one versus a small one?" Kurapika is contemplating the laptops on display, absently biting on the knuckle of his index finger. "We don't really use the computer all that much, but Leorio might like a laptop to take to and from work. He's almost always half in the office, anyway."

"Are you sure he won't play games on it?" Gon looks over his shoulder to the gaming aisle, and can see that Killua and Leorio are still over there. "I hope Killua picks out another cool game."

"I don't think he'd skip out on work. He's too dedicated." Kurapika frowns. "But I wonder if he'd start paying less attention to me...?"

"Is that bad?" Gon asks worriedly.

"Actually, it would give me a chance to get some real work done without interruption." Kurapika considers it.

"So you're buying both a laptop and a desktop?"

"Why don't you just both get laptops?" Killua suggests, returning with a game in his hand. "Hey, Gon, check this out. You can steal cars in this game."

"Cool!"

"Then we wouldn't have to fight over what goes on the desktop wallpaper," Leorio points out.

"You are not putting lesbian pornography on a computer you are taking to and from work," Kurapika scolds him.

"And just how to you know about the lesbian porn?"

Kurapika is not put off. "I know about everything that was on that computer."

"Oh," Leorio says with a careless wave of his hand, "then you've seen the videos of us I've been auctioning on eAuction."

"That's not something you joke about!" Kurapika snaps.

"Last night's will go for big money, I think," he goes on, a little too loudly for everyone's comfort.

"Be quiet!"

Gon moves to get between them, but Killua stops him with a hand on his arm and shakes his head.

"Hey," Leorio says to them, gesturing to the seething blond, "did you know he squeaks when you--"

"I'll kill you!" Kurapika threatens, and Gon almost thinks he will, except that it's Kurapika and the worst he'll do is make you cook your own dinner or sleep on the couch.

Leorio stops, though, but he looks triumphant even as Kurapika stomps off to look at monitors.

"Why do you test your luck like that?" Killua wonders in a dry voice.

"It's therapeutic," Leorio reasons. "He's so calm, but I drive him crazy, so he takes out all his frustrations on me. It's fabulous."

"Having him mad at you all the time is fabulous?" Killua doesn't sound convinced.

"Well, the make-up sex is, anyway."

"I know what that is!" Gon pipes up. "Like when I forget to pick up my dirty laundry and Killua rails at me, but then I--MMPH!"

"Shut up, dummy," Killua hisses, pressing his palm harder against Gon's mouth.

"Mm-MMM-mmph!"

***

When they go back to their respective apartments, Gon and Killua contemplate the large box they brought back with them. Acting on Kurapika's advice, they had bought a basic computer, too. Killua's employers (business associates of the Yamada family, coincidentally) used e-mail as often as they used text-messaging and phone calls. Being accessible at virtually all times would help advance Kilua's budding career, Kurapika had said.

"You know anything about connecting computers?" Gon asks. Apparently it was simple, but almost sounded too simple.

"I know enough," Killua assures him, and promptly shoos him into the kitchen to make them something to eat.

Gon makes them fried eggs, predictably. But by the time he's done, Killua is already setting up their new system. It's silver, a color Gon picked out, and from the looks of things, Killua has set up their new e-mail account.

"Let's send a test mail!" Gon suggests. He feeds Killua a forkful of egg.

Of course, this test mail goes upstairs to Leorio and Kurapika.

"Killua, you're bad," Gon snickers.

***

"Who said anything about make-up sex?" Kurapika wants to know, nose upturned like Leorio is beneath him instead of standing a good many inches taller.

Leorio glares at the e-mail of good wishes before sending off a simple reply: I hate you.

***

After Killua has been exchanging insulting e-mails with Leorio for half an hour, Gon finally decides that the other young man is not going to get bored with it very soon.

So Gon says, "I'm going out," and grabs his keys.

Killua calls back, "Okay," as Gon shuts the door.

***

"You know, they live right downstairs," Kurapika points out. He's starting to feel a little exasperated. "If you want to argue with him so badly, just get up and go down the stairs. Or take the elevator, if you're feeling particularly lazy."

Leorio doesn't answer. Apparently, he is still angry about Killua "ruining" his chances for sex, which is just stupid, really. Kurapika rarely withholds sex, even if he does enjoy leading Leorio around by the nose.

Unless Leorio knows he still has a spot in their bed tonight, and is just arguing with Killua for a lack of anything better to do.

"You could have something better to do, you idiot," Kurapika grumbles.

"Huh? D'you say something?"

Kurapika walks over to the new black computer with the monstrously huge flat-screen monitor, looks over Leorio's shoulder, and rolls his eyes. They've resorted to an instant messaging program; e-mail simply wasn't fast enough anymore.

"No," Kurapika says. "I didn't say anything." And then he goes to see who's knocking on their door.

"Hi!" Gon greets, as though they haven't just spent hours in each other's company earlier. "Want to go for a walk?"

Kurapika glances over his shoulder, rolls his eyes again at Leorio, and nods. "Sure."

***

The walk turns into window-shopping, which becomes bubble tea, which becomes dinner, which becomes a movie. By the time Gon and Kurapika return to the blond's apartment, they discover that instant-message arguments became a conversation, which became exchanging of sex tips, which became exchanging of linkage to pornography sites, which became watching pornography on Leorio's huge television.

Kurapika rubs his face. "Oh, for--"

"Gon," Killua urges, "you have to come and watch this; it's hilarious. These people obviously have no idea how sex really works."

"That guy just came on the girl's face," Leorio laughs. "And she took it, can you believe that? Kurapika would beat the hell out of me if I ever did that."

"I would," the blond agrees. "Is this new? I haven't seen it before."

"Just found it while channel-surfing," Leorio explains, as he and Killua make room for their boyfriends on the couch.

"I won't even ask why Kurapika watches porn," Killua states. "Oh, my god, is he trying to use a cellphone?"

"Killua, don't worry," Gon assures him, "I would never try to fuck you with a cellphone."

"... Thanks."

"Just me is enough for you, anyway."

"Okay," Leorio cuts in, "if you're going to talk like that, you can go back downstairs to your own apartment and screw like rabbits, okay?"

"After the movie," Killua says.

+ not the end! +

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