Hiei sighed in exasperation and held up his sword again. "Okay, Van, I'm only going to explain this *one more time*. So pay attention." He set the weapon on the table and touched the shiny blade. "The pointy end faces *away* from you. You hurt *other* people with the pointy end."

Van brushed a lock of dark blue hair away from his eyes and nodded. "Gotcha. We don't touch the pointy end. Thanks, Hiei."

"No problem." Hiei sheathed his sword and held out his hand. "I charge 6500 yen for each lesson, by the way..."

"Hiei! Thank God!"

Hiei turned his head at Yusuke's sudden shout, and noticed that the call had caused several of the other customers in the restaurant to turn theirs. The former Reikai agent strode to Hiei's booth and flopped down next to him.

"Thank God you're here," he wailed. "Now I have a friend who'll listen to me..."

Hiei made a face. "No, I won't." He turned back to Van...only to face an empty seat. "What the--?" He twisted around to look out the window, just in time to glimpse Van's retreating figure turn a corner. "Hey! He got away with a free lesson!" He slammed his fist on the table. "That bastard!" On any other day, he probably would have given chase, but Yusuke was sprawled half on the table and half in his lap. The young man was giving him big, brown puppy-eyes. "May I help you?" Hiei asked dryly. "Shouldn't you be working?"

"We have helpers for that," Yusuke replied off-handedly. "Hiei, I need a friend to talk to--"

"Well, you picked the wrong one. I don't do talks."

"But that's what friends do."

"Nowhere in our Friendship Contract does it say I have to sit still and listen to you whine about your problems."

"Yes, it does - sub clause #3."

Hiei reached into the folds of his cloak and pulled out his copy of the contract. He flipped to the last page and scanned the contents until he found... "'Sub Clause #3: Hiei is to sit still and listen to Yusuke whine about his problems.'" He slapped the thick pile of papers onto the table. "Damn!"

"I don't know what to do," Yusuke began, sounding hopeless and devastated. "I'm *so* tired..."

Hiei glared at the customers who were staring and tried to shove Yusuke away. "Go to sleep at night," he snapped. "The baby's made already." "Every day it's something different..." he moaned, clutching Hiei tighter with each word. "Ice cream and pickles... Ice cream and peanut butter... Coconut milk with bananas... Celery and maple syrup... Fried chicken in the middle of the night... Back rubs...foot rubs...tummy rubs... I just don't know what to do... She's driving me insane! I have to drive out in the middle of the night and get all kinds of strange foods for her... I have to put up with her mood swings... She throws a plate at me at least once a day..."

Hiei blinked as he noticed a large shadow looming over them. He rolled his eyes up and swallowed when he saw who had arrived. He pinched Yusuke's forearm in warning, but the human didn't seem to notice.

"...I just can't take it anymore...!"

"*You* can't take it anymore?!" the owner of the large shadow bellowed.

Hiei put more effort into trying to get free. When the plates started flying, he didn't want to be anywhere near their target.

Yusuke looked over his shoulder. "...Hi, Keiko."

Keiko threw her braid over her shoulder and glared down at her husband. "So you can't take it anymore...? Big, mighty, 'Let's see how many times we can do it' Yusuke can't handle the consequences of his actions? Is that it? Well, let me tell you one thing, mister." She leaned over and gestured to her very round belly. "*YOU* did this to me, you bastard!"

Yusuke turned around and held his hands up in defense, already sputtering apologies. Hiei took the opportunity to crawl over the table and make a hasty retreat.

"Kazu! I have a pot of tea made. Would you like some?"

At his sister's call, Kuwabara stopped surfing the 'Net for a moment. "Yes, please!"

Shizuru entered his room and took a glance at his computer screen. "What are you doing?"

"Research," he replied, following a hyperlink into yet another archive. "I don't know how this got started, but it's spreading like mad! Incredible!"

"What's spreading?"

He shrugged. "Oh, just a genre of fiction." He clicked on "Print." "Oh, God, just wait until I wave this around..."

Shizuru shrugged and set the tea down. "Ever since being accepted into Teikyo University, you've been studying so hard. Be sure to take a break every now and then, all right? I'll be in my room, if you need me."

"Okay," Kuwabara replied, his eyes still fixed on his monitor. His mind barely registered the moment his sister left the room. He was completely absorbed into his research topic. When he'd first encountered it, he couldn't believe his eyes. But now he couldn't get enough! /I wonder how much ink is in my printer...?/

"Botan, we need to talk."

Botan winced at the tone of Koenma's voice. When he spun in his chair to face her, she noticed that he had chosen his adult form to confront her in. Her heart started beating faster. He obviously meant business. "Um... Yes, Lord Koenma?"

"Botan..." He took a few seconds to look from side to side, making sure that they were alone. "Botan, we need to be more careful."

"*More* careful?" she asked. Weren't they careful enough already?

"Yes." He shook his finger at her. "Last time you got lipstick on my collar! If things like that keep happening, everyone is going to start suspecting something!"

"I was performing foreplay," Botan huffed. "You might want to try it sometime."

Koenma gave her a dirty look. "That's not what I mean. You know the policies around here, Botan. If we get caught having an affair, you'll be thrown out of the palace and I'll be demoted!"

Botan glared. "Well, we could be more careful if you'd slow down!"

"Don't tell me how to do it!"

"Shh!" she hissed. "Not so loud! People might be listening..." She looked around the room, wondering if anyone was on the outside of the door eavesdropping.

Koenma was giving her an odd look. "Indeed... Someone might be listening... We might get caught..."

Botan shivered. "You're right..."

"That makes it naughtier, doesn't it?"

Botan had to agree. Somehow, the fear of getting caught was a turn-on. Botan licked her lips. Koenma raised an eyebrow at her.

"Do you feel like it?"

Without another word, Botan leapt over the desk and tackled him.

Hiei clicked his tongue. "You know what you're problem is, Ran? You're bitter."

The redhead gave him a sour look.

"See? Bitter. Once you learn to put some positive energy into your fighting, you'll be well on your way to improvement."

The look, if anything, simply increased its sourness.

"Oh, and one more tip: throwing your sword at an airborne helicopter is seldom a good idea. Typically, the weapon will not make it. For long-range attacks, I suggest throwing fireballs. Or unleashing a Black Dragon. You guys have those, right?"

A little glare was added to the sourness.

"Perfect." Hiei sheathed his sword and held out his hand. "I charge 8000 yen for each lesson, by the way."

"Hey, Hiei!"

Hiei looked over his shoulder. Kuwabara was making his way through the underbrush to reach the clearing they were in. "What do you want?"

The big man grinned and waved a pile of papers in the air. "Got something to show you! Wanna see?"

Hiei shrugged. "One minute." He turned back to Ran...only to discover that the man was fifty paces or so ahead of him, retreating through the forest. "Hey!" He started to unsheathe his sword again. "Get back here, you son of a b--"

"Hey, Hiei, check this out," Kuwabara urged hurriedly, shoving the papers in his face.

Hiei leaned back a little before he got a paper cut on his nose. "What is it?"

"Stuff." Kuwabara started waving them back and forth. "Looky, looky, looky..."

He snatched them away and glanced at them. "What...?" He scanned the papers, but couldn't find anything that would be of interest to him. Nothing of any interest at a--Was that his name? He started reading one part...and blinked. It was talking about him... Whoever wrote it even knew what he looked like... Kurama was in it, too... As he read on, his eyes widened, and when he got a little further, he blushed.

"So, Hiei," Kuwabara began, reading over his shoulder, "when did you start seeing Kurama?"

Hiei choked. "But I'm not seeing Kurama!" He flipped through the pages and discovered there was another one... And another one... And another one... And another one... And... "What...? When...? Where...? Who...? Why...?"

"You forgot 'How?'" Kuwabara supplied.

"How did this rumor get started?" Hiei asked, swallowing. Kurama was his best friend - that was all. And if Mukuro heard the rumor... "How far has it spread?"

Kuwabara moved to stand in front of him and grinned. "I don't know, but everyone and his uncle thinks you're sleeping with Kurama."

/Oh, no.../ "But...why would they think that?" Hiei chewed his lower lip. "What could have started it?"

"Hiei! There you are!"

When they saw Kurama approaching, Hiei yelped and hid the papers behind his back. When the redhead reached them, he smiled in relief. "I figured you'd be here. I don't have much time to chat, though." He checked his watch. "I'm on my way to the Sewing Circle to pick up Mother, and then we're going to check out the shoe sale. But I figured I'd stop by and see if you were around first." He held out a bag to Hiei. "You left your clothes at my place again."

Hiei winced, but he took them. "Thanks."

"Anytime. I'll see you later!" The redhead waved at them both, and then took off at a jog out of the clearing.

Hiei stared at the bag of clothes and then at Kuwabara. He glared when he noticed the look the human was giving him. "It's not what you think!"

Kuwabara chuckled. "I'm sure it isn't..."

"It's *not*!" Hiei insisted. Sure, Kurama was both good-looking and had a wonderful personality, but Hiei had someone already!

"I believe you, Hiei..." Kuwabara took back the papers he'd brought. "I believe you."

"I'm not sleeping with Kurama!" he hissed.

"I said I believed you."

Hiei bit his lip again. "What am I gonna do? What if Mukuro happens to stumble on one of those things?"

Kuwabara shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I mean, they're just fans, right? She won't listen to them. Now if you'll excuse me," he gave Hiei a little bow, "I'm off to further study this phenomenon."

"Off with you, then," Hiei sniffed, unsheathing his sword. "As for me, I have to go skewer Ran and nail him to a white cross."

It was a challenge like no other he'd ever faced. The decision was his and his alone. The number he selected would seal his fate: either he would emerge victorious, or he would suffer a horrible, horrible earful.

He knew he was there for cream cheese.

The question was...did Keiko want Pure, 25% Less Fat, 50% Less, or 85% Less?

Yusuke chewed his thumbnail as he stared at his choices. What was best for the baby? What was best for Keiko? What was best for his health? Decisions, decisions... He wished Keiko had made him a list. /Maybe I should just get all four.../

He reached up to the high shelf, and jumped as his cell phone rang. He took it out, and a quick glance told him that it was home calling.

"Keiko-darling?"

"Don't you 'Keiko-darling' me, you whining, impregnating asshole."

"Yes, dear."

"I want more tangerines. And whipped cream."

"Okay. What kind of cream cheese again?"

"50% Less Fat, you dolt. Do I have to repeat everything I say to you three times?"

"Sorry, dear."

"I'll see you when you get home and start making my omelet. Oh, and pick up marble Pocky on your way out."

"Yes, dear." He hung up and sighed in dismay. /Why didn't I go for Botan instead?/

"Absolutely fascinating," Kuwabara breathed, staring at the screen. "The way this woman draws Kurama with just that touch of mischief... How do they do it?" He clicked "Print" again. "What talent!" Once his page was printed, he minimized the window and opened one of the others. "Time to go back to reading this... Where was I...? Aha!" Finding his place on the screen, Kuwabara pulled his popcorn bowl into his lap and started reading again. He sniffled as he made his way through the story, his heart broke when Kurama died, and when he read how sad Hiei was he wanted to hop into the "fic" and hug him...

...Until Hiei went right to Yusuke - less than twenty-four hours after Kurama died. Kuwabara gaped. "That little slut!"

Botan shut and locked the door to Koenma's office. She made sure that no one was around, and then lowered her voice to what she hoped was a seductive murmur. "You summoned me, Lord Koenma?"

Koenma swung his chair around, and Botan noted happily that he had taken his adult form. "Botan, we need to talk."

She giggled. He was playing along perfectly. "Oh, am I in trouble, Lord Koenma?"

"Botan, stop that. I'm being serious."

She sauntered closer. "Oh, I'm sorry, Lord Koenma. Maybe I need a spanking..."

"George suspects something."

Botan gaped. "What? How?"

Koenma winced. "We were too loud this morning..."

"We were?" She sank to her knees and moaned. "Oh, no... But I thought we did fine... We went nice and slow and quiet..."

"Not near the end, we didn't," Koenma muttered. "I managed to convince George that it was just his imagination, but we're going to have to find a better system then timing ourselves according to Reikai's bells..."

"But it was working!" Botan wailed. "It was working! In with the 'dings,' out with the 'dongs'... In with the 'dings,' out with the 'dongs'... We were doing fine until that ice cream truck drove by!"

Hiei tapped his lips. "You know what your problem is, Cloud? Your sword is just too damn big."

The blonde man scratched his head and looked at his signature Buster Sword. "It is?"

"Yup. Just look at it." Hiei wrinkled his nose. "That's not a sword, it's a diving board." He paused, reflecting on what he'd just said, and then grinned. "Hey, not only was that clever, but it rhymed, too."

Cloud frowned at his weapon. "So this is useless?"

"Well, I'm sure you could hammer stuff with it..."

"...Okay...I guess..."

"Wonderful." Hiei held out his hand. "I charge 9500 yen for each lesson, by the way..."

Cloud blinked. "Uh...do you accept gil?"

"Well, I don't know what the hell that is, so... No."

The blonde winced. "Okay. Give me a second..." He started fishing through his pockets.

"Hiei! Hey! Hiei!"

Hiei turned and raised a hand to Kuwabara in greeting. "Hey."

"Check this out!" the human caroled, brandishing what looked like a magazine. "You'll never believe it!"

"One minute." Hiei pivoted to face Cloud again...and was hardly surprised when he saw the blonde's retreating silhouette against the setting sun. "Maybe I should start demanding cash up-front..." He made a face when Kuwabara smacked him on the head with the book he was carrying. "What is it?"

"How much money do you have?"

Why did that make him feel suspicious? "Why?"

Kuwabara waved the book back and forth. "Because this is something you might want to see," he replied with a huge grin, "so I'm gonna charge you for it."

Hiei frowned. "Why?" Kuwabara turned the cover over, and Hiei gaped. Was that him and Youko Kurama?! Crawling all over each other?! "Where did you get that?!"

Kuwabara snickered. "Ebay."

Hiei lunged for it. "Give me that!" He snatched the book and tore off the plastic. He flipped through the pages, eyes growing wider and wider with each image he passed. /How the hell do you... Tentacles???/ "They're *drawing* it now?!"

Kuwabara tugged the book back. "It's a doujinshi," he explained, and then hugged it to him. "And you just ruined the plastic!"

"Forget that," Hiei ordered curtly. "How many of *those* are floating around?"

"Thousands." Kuwabra smirked. "Copies of this one, that is."

Hiei yelped. "You mean there are more?!"

"It's an industry!" Kuwabara proclaimed. He seized Hiei's shoulder and shook him. "You have no idea how powerful these women are! They can take anyone - in any *situation* - and--"

A quiet beeping sound interrupted them, and Kuwabara gasped and held up his watch. "Ah! It's seven o'clock - I'm supposed to go to the store! My new doujinshi have arrived!" He grinned. "Wanna come? We can further explore the origins of this Yaoi Phenomenon and perhaps discover the secret of the power those women possess."

Hiei shook his head. "Can't. Kurama and I are going to the mall to pick out wallpaper for the house."

Kuwabara raised an eyebrow.

"For *his* house! He wants a second opinion! It's not what you think!"

"I believe you."

"I'm not having an affair with Kurama!!"

Kuwabara waved his hands and started walking away. "I said I believed you. Geez, why so defensive? Got something to hide?"

Hiei opened his mouth, but Kuwabara broke into a run before he could say anything. Wonderful. Now there were stories *and* pictures of him and Kurama. What next? Websites? He sighed and checked his watch. He had to meet Kurama in fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes...

...*More* than enough time to catch up to Cloud and hammer him into the ground with his own sword.

"I can't believe she's making me do this again," Yusuke moaned. He sniffled and wiped his tear-filled eyes. "Damn onions," he sobbed, slicing another one into tiny chunks and tossing them into the frying pan with the mushrooms. "Damn Keiko..." Did she know how hard it was to cook after being woken up at two in the morning? *After* having spent the previous evening obeying her every whim and shopping for baby clothes?

He'd cut his thumb four times with the knife when he'd peeled the potatoes, and the grease of the other pan had sprayed on his forearm when he'd flipped the steak over. It was only because he loved her that he hadn't torn the kitchen apart.

When the steak was ready, he placed it neatly on a plate with the potatoes and sprinkled the onions and mushrooms onto it. He put the plate on a tray with juice, cutlery, and a napkin, and took a moment to admire his handiwork.

"Ah, Yusuke... Once again, my friend, you have outdone yourself."

Holding the tray on his palm, he made his way up the stairs to their bedroom. He closed the door and smiled at Keiko. His wife was sitting up in bed watching television, the covers around her waist.

"Keiko, my dear," he began, holding out the tray for display. "I have brought you what you desire."

Keiko stared at him, looking a tad confused. "Desire? You mean the steak?" She snorted and turned her attention back to her program. "Yusuke, I asked for that steak nearly two hours ago. You took too long. I don't want it anymore."

Yusuke did his best to remain perfectly calm. He took several deep, even breaths, and then imagined himself in a courtroom.

"And that's when I killed her, Your Honor."

Hiei watched Kurama inspect some clothing for a few minutes before tugging on the back of his shirt. "Say, Kurama... Do we have a suggestive friendship?"

Kurama turned around, armed with a pair of blue jeans. "Why do you ask?"

Hiei shrugged, moving his hands so Kurama could hold the jeans against his hips. "I'm just wondering. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about us."

"Oh, don't be silly," Kurama chided, spinning him around to see how the jeans would look from the back. "We have a perfectly normal friendship." He patted Hiei's bottom. "I think your butt's gotten firmer. It'll look great in these jeans."

"Thanks." He looked over his shoulder. "So we're not 'hinted at'?"

Kurama shrugged one shoulder. "Well, I don't know what you mean by 'hinted at', but we're normal friends. There's nothing 'suggestive' about us." He stood up and gathered the other clothes he'd been selecting. "Come on, let's go into the tiny dressing room together and try these on."

"The store will be closing soon."

"Don't worry. If we quicken our pace we'll be done before then."

Shizuru put out her cigarette and gave her brother an odd look. "So you're saying that a sect of women who enjoy 'slashing' boys together are plotting to take over the world, and that their genre of fiction is spreading and is addicting, and that no one can resist the pull forever?"

Kazuma nodded. "Yep, that's about it."

Shizuru frowned. Sometimes, he made her wonder... "Kazu, you're being paranoid. Nothing is 'spreading.'"

He shook his head and slid his thick folder across the table. "No, you're wrong! Look at the websites! Look at the fiction! A few people decided, 'Hey, let's do this' and before you knew it, *everyone* was either writing it or reading it!" He held one of his doujinshi to him. "You can't stop it... No one can stop it... In time, we'll all be affected!"

Shizuru shook her head. "If it scares you so much, why are you involving yourself with it?"

Kazuma snatched his folder back and hugged both it and his doujinshi. "Because I love it! I'm hooked! I can't get enough!" His watch beeped, and he glanced at it, his eyes sparkling. "Yes! Her site should be updated by now!"

And without another word, he scrambled out of his chair and ran to his room.

Koenma yawned as he strode to his office. He ignored the odd looks some of the oni gave him. They had been puzzled at his sudden preference for his adult form, since he had shown tendency to remain in his baby form much of the time. Of course, that had been *before* Botan had given him reason to enjoy this form better. Thankfully, he'd managed to convince them that he liked his adult form better now. It wouldn't be good for either of them if rumors started to spread.

He entered his office - a tad earlier than usual, so George wasn't there yet. All the better for him, he supposed. Now he could have at least a few moments of peace and quiet.

When his office door closed, he blinked when his chair suddenly swung around, revealing the girl sitting in it. "Botan?"

"Koenma, we need to talk."

Koenma grinned. "Botan, you have no idea how much I want to...talk...but George will be here any minute and I--"

"I'm late."

He blinked. "What are you talking about? You're not even supposed to be here right now."

"No, you twit. I'm *late*."

It took a moment for the meaning to register. He swallowed. "Oh, no... But...how? We...we *used* stuff!"

"Well, it's not perfect!" she hissed. "So, what are we going to do about it? Because I'm not giving it up!"

Koenma rubbed his temples. It was going to be a long day.

Hiei shook his head. "You know what your problem is, Link? It's that damn skirt you're wearing."

Link bit his lip and fingered the green cloth. "You think so?"

"Definitely. And your white tights just make it worse. Even I want to kill you."

"And my outfit is the reason why my swordsmanship isn't as good as it could be?"

"You got it. See, style is a lot more important than most people think. So, get out of that dress and put some pants on."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Anytime." Hiei held out his hand. "I charge 11000 yen for each lesson, by the way..."

Link blinked. "Uh...do you accept rupees?"

"No. Only gold or yen."

"Um...one minute..." Link reached into his pouch.

"HIEI!"

If he hadn't been expecting Kuwabara, he might have leapt out of his skin. As it was, he smiled at Link and turned to greet the human. "Yes?"

"No one will believe me!" he cried, crushing Hiei into a powerful bear-hug in despair. "They think I've snapped!"

"Unhand me, you ogre, or *I'm* going to snap!"

"They won't believe me that it's taking over! Yaoi is taking over!"

"What are you babbling about?" Hiei demanded, shoving at Kuwabara's chest. "Are there *movies* about Kurama and I now?"

"Probably, but that's not the point." Kuwabara released him and settled for shaking his shoulders instead. "The point is, it's spreading like a plague and no one will believe me!"

"*What* is spreading?"

"Yaoi!"

Hiei narrowed his eyes. "You told me I didn't have to worry about it!" he spat accusingly. "You told me they were just silly fans!"

Kuwabara shrugged sheepishly. "Apparently I underestimated their powers..." He waved the folder he'd been carrying around lately in front of Hiei's face. "They're practically omnipotent! You won't believe the stuff they are coming up with, Hiei! Anyone, anytime, any *place*! It doesn't matter who it is - it doesn't even matter if they already *have* someone! These women can just scoop them up out of their relationship and plop them down into another one with a guy they may even want to kill!"

Hiei made a face. "That's ridiculous. Who in their right minds would 'pair' a guy with someone who wants to kill him?"

"They're insane, Hiei," Kuwabara breathed. "Those women are insane."

"If they're so 'insane'," Hiei gestured to the thick folder in Kuwabara's hands, "why are you spending so much money on their merchandise?"

The human kissed his folder. "Because I've been corrupted! I like it! I *like* it! I can't get enough of it!"

Hiei wasn't sure why, but there was something *very* disturbing about one of his friends harboring a collection of stories and magazines about him and Kurama screwing each other like rabbits... "So what are you planning to do? You said it's 'taking over', right? So what are you going to do about it?"

Kuwabara looked at him as though he'd suggested water was dry. "What do you *think* I'm going to do about it? I'm going to buy more doujinshi!" His watch beeped, and when he glanced at the time, he cheered. "Her new fic should be up by now!" The last few words were hard to make out, since Kuwabara was already thirty paces or so away and still running.

Hiei rolled his eyes, and then suddenly remembered his client. He turned to face Link...and looked up to see the young swordsman struggling inside the net that had sprung. His lips curled into what he knew was an evil smile.

"Well, well, well... Try to shaft *me*, will you...?"

When the hammer came in contact with the nail, it made a loud "thwacking" sound. When the hammer came in contact with Yusuke's hand, he made a loud "Fuck!-ing" sound.

"Damn!" he snapped, sucking his sore thumb. "This is a hell of a lot harder than most people would think."

He took a step back and frowned at his work. That didn't look right at all. Why couldn't he get the pieces to stay together properly? "Damn it all to Hell!"

"Yusuke!" came the harsh, reprimanding voice of his wife.

"Yusuke!" he mimicked in a quiet, nagging tone, scrunching his face into a scowl that most likely didn't do Keiko justice.

"I heard that!" she snapped. "Yusuke, I don't want our child learning how to curse *before* he comes out of the womb."

He winced and turned to face her. "Sorry, dear."

She opened her mouth, preparing to yell at him again, but then she blinked. He raised an eyebrow at her as she looked passed him. "Yusuke...? What the hell are you trying to do?"

He gaped. "What do you mean? I've been trying to do what I've been attempting for the last two hours! I'm building you your stupid baby crib!"

Instead of getting angry and lashing out at him, as he'd expected, she quirked an eyebrow and moved around him to inspect his "crib." She stared at it for a few moments...and then, she started to laugh.

Yusuke blinked. "What's so funny? Are you amused by the fact that I'm having a hard time?"

Keiko rolled her eyes. "First of all, Yusuke, my sweet, sweet husband...you wouldn't be having such a hard time if you'd taken a moment to read the instructions. Secondly..." She held up one of the nails. "This is a screw, Precious, not a nail."

Yusuke fell over.

Hiei narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "You know what your problem is, Bui? You don't even use a sword. So why are you here?"

The well-built man folded his arms and shrugged. "I was hoping to learn a little something about sword-handling from you."

"And how are you supposed to learn how to use a sword if you don't have one of your own?"

"I was wondering if you'd allow me to hold yours?"

Hiei coughed. "Why don't you start by telling me what kind you want to learn how to use...?"

"A short one," Bui replied instantly.

"Hey, watch it," Hiei growled warningly.

"So what do you say?" Bui asked, cocking his head. "I feel like sparring. You?"

Hiei blinked, and suddenly found himself thinking about things he shouldn't be thinking about unless he was with Mukuro. "Excuse me?"

Bui turned and started walking through the woods. "I'm going to...exercise...in the next clearing over." He grinned over his shoulder. "Wanna come?"

Hiei choked.

Kurama threw his head back, laughing in complete and utter amusement. "Oh, gods, I don't believe this!" He hefted the magazine his lover had bought and turned the page. "They think I'm sleeping with Hiei? Oh, that's priceless!"

Karasu glared down at him. "I don't think it's funny at all. Just why do these girls have reason to believe the two of you are together?"

Kurama snickered. "Jealous?" He winked. "I assure you, I'm not interested in Hiei that way."

"Oh, no?"

"No. First of all, he's far too short. Second, he's my best friend - we've seen each other naked so often, sleeping together would just be weird. And third, I like being able to both take the reins and hand them to someone else. Hiei isn't very forward when it comes to things like that." Kurama grinned. "Hell, I think even *Mukuro* tops him..."

Karasu shrugged. "If you say so...but I still don't like it." He looked over Kurama's shoulder and frowned. "Are you certain he's not forward...? I highly doubt an inhibited partner could manage to get that position down-pat the first time..."

Kurama's grin turned into a smirk. "You *are* jealous... What's wrong? Is Hiei more flexible than you?"

Karasu narrowed his eyes. "Don't push my buttons, Kurama..."

"That's it, isn't it? I bet you couldn't get into that position," he added, pointing to the gravity-defying pose on page 39.

"Kurama," Karasu growled warningly, "I kill those I love dearly..."

"Stop that."

"Do you want to die?"

"Only if you mean that in the Shakespearian sense..."

There were still stars filling his field of vision, and he was still out of breath. He stretched out on the soft grass and tried to gather his bearings. He blinked several times in rapid succession, trying to clear the flashy lights away. Beside him, he heard Bui chuckle.

"Ahn?" Hiei inquired without turning his head.

"Good workout, huh?"

"...Uh-huh..." He wasn't sure when he'd be able to move his hips again, though... He flopped his arm onto the grass next to Bui's lounging form. "I charge 12500 yen for each lesson, by the way..."

"12500?" Bui echoed. He snorted and stood up. "Damn, you're an expensive one... Besides, it wasn't a 'lesson'. It was really more of a 'session'..."

"Lesson, session...whatever..." Hiei wiggled his fingers. "Money now."

"So that's all it was to you?" Bui exclaimed suddenly, dropping his face in his hands. "Just a quick tumble, get some money for it, and then go on your merry way? Damn it, Hiei, that's not why I came all the way out here to find you!" He shrieked the last sentence and then burst into tears. He continued to sob as he ran from the clearing.

Hiei moaned. Now he had to get up and chase Bui... Maybe it would be a good idea to put his pants back on...

...*If* he could put his pants back on...

...If he could move his legs...

...If he could move at all...

"...Damn..."

Kuwabara grunted as he shifted the heavy book-bag on his back. He was returning from his most recent trip to the post office to pick up his latest haul of doujinshi and yaoi videos, and he was eager to get home so he could peek at them all. He frowned as he passed the bank and paused. Shizuru had asked him to pick up milk on the way home...

With a shrug, he climbed the stairs to the bank and entered. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait in line and went immediately to the ATM machine. He fumbled for his wallet and pushed his debit card into the slot. After he punched in his PIN number, he clicked on "Withdraw Cash" and selected 20 dollars. His eyes went wide when the letters appeared.

"Insufficient Funds."

Kuwabara gaped. "What? But...how...?" He selected "Account Balance" and gaped again. He was in the red - by more than two hundred dollars. "Ahhh! How did that happen?!"

/Well,/ a rational part of his brain began, /you *have* been spending a lot of money on all of this yaoi merchandise. I believe you've spent more money these last few days than you have in the last year./

He bit his lip. It was true... All he'd been doing was pouring his money into more yaoi merchandise... Videos...doujinshi...manga... "Damn those women!" he wailed, sinking to his knees. "Damn them and their addicting art and fiction!" Now he was really going to get from his sister... Once she found out he'd blown all of his money on yaoi merchandise...and didn't even pick up milk on the way home...

He glanced outside the window in time to see Hiei striding by. He scrambled to his feet, punching the button to reclaim his card and shoved open the door. "Hiei! Hiei, wait!"

The demon stopped and looked over his shoulder. "May I help you?"

Kuwabara threw himself to his knees and locked his arms around Hiei's waist. "I told you, didn't I? Didn't I?! I told you that yaoi was slowly going to spread and affect everyone, didn't I?! I told you it was addictive, didn't I?! It just made me spend all of my yen and now I don't have any to buy milk! Damn those omnipotent women! How do they do it? How?! ...Can I borrow some money?" When he didn't get an immediate response, he looked up and blinked. Hiei was staring at him with what looked like contemplation. Contemplation, and something more... He stared for a long time without saying anything. When a few minutes had gone by, Kuwabara cleared his throat. "Uh...do I have something on my face?"

Hiei cocked his head and gave him a little smile. "...Did I ever tell you that you had pretty eyes...?"

Kuwabara fled. Suddenly, his backpack wasn't so heavy, anymore.